


pushing myself to finish this part

by froggydarren



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/F, Lydia's Powers, Temporary Character Death, background sterek, canon Allison's death, canon Derek's death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 05:57:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9805781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/froggydarren/pseuds/froggydarren
Summary: As her powers develop, Lydia learns to accept them. There are parts that she still hates, though, and she always will. Death is all too familiar to her, and it doesn't stop hurting, no matter how much time has passed.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Star55](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star55/gifts), [aredblush](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aredblush/gifts).



> So apparently I'm a lying liar who lies, and when I say I won't write a fic, there's a distinct possibility that I actually will at some point ;) 
> 
> This spawned from [this post](https://froggydarren.tumblr.com/post/156887911159) from a meme that I clearly didn't stick to :P

She hates that part. The one where her ability leads her to where people die, those she knows and those she doesn’t. She hates how clearly she remembers each of them afterwards, knows the exact moment when they died. Some of it is a serenade of screams, others are quiet moments of surprise. And all of them together are a deluge of pain. 

Some of them happen right in the moment, without a warning, without giving her a chance to prepare herself -- though how she could do that, she doesn’t know. There always is a premonition, but she rarely knows  _ who _ is going to die, only that someone will soon. On a rare occasion, she knows the person, and has a chance to warn them. She only did it once, and still has regrets that she only told Derek and not Stiles too. It’s not like either of them were able to do anything about it -- Derek knew this -- so it seemed pointless until Stiles told her how it felt to leave Derek behind outside that church. She kept her premonitions to herself after that anyway. 

The one she remembers best is Allison. It’s clearer than Aiden’s death, more detailed in her mind than any of the others. The pain hasn’t dulled with time, if anything it’s sharper than before. Even as her abilities extend to being more active, she doesn’t forget this one. 

It’s Stiles who discovers the possibility. 

“You have to let go, Lydia,” he tells her. “That’s the key to it. You need to stop clinging to the moment you lost them, and that’s what opens the door to bringing them back.”

She doesn’t know how to do that, doesn’t know how to move on, not for a long time. The thought is there, at the back of her mind, whenever she’s at Allison’s grave or around people who knew her too. But she struggles with the possibility of letting go, of forgetting. 

“What if it doesn’t work?” Lydia asks Stiles, voice trembling. “What if I let go and never feel her again?” 

“That’s the risk,” Stiles says, eyes unfocused as he’s talking. “You let them go and if it’s meant to be, they come back to you.”

“Didn’t think you’d be the one talking to me about fate,” Lydia says with a slightly bitter smile. 

“Remember that I was there,” he says. “I had to let go, accept that it was going to happen, and then he came back.” 

“I know,” Lydia whispers. “But that was immediate. Ally…” 

Allison was gone for longer. The years flew by and yet dragged on without her, and Lydia wonders if it will still work after all this time. 

_ I have to try _ , she thinks.  _ I’ve already lost her, I can’t lose her more now _ . 

It’s a warm day when she finally tries. She goes back alone, wanders through the ruins of the old camp, shivers when she remembers all that happened there. When she gets to the yard, she kneels on the ground where Scott held Ally that last time. 

Her palm opens, and the arrowhead glistens in the sun as Lydia stares at its imprint on her hand. She knows she can scream here and only the pack will know. Stiles was supposed to let them know, to tell them not to be alarmed when they feel the echoes of it. 

She opens her mouth right as she tilts her hand to drop the arrowhead, feels the pressure of the air against her vocal cords, but the scream comes out silent, empty. 

When it fades out and she looks down on the ground, there’s nothing there besides a layer of silver dust. 

“Goodbye, Ally,” she whispers into the air.

The drive home is solemn, and Lydia ignores the texts and calls that make her phone buzz all the way back to Beacon Hills. She doesn’t want to talk to any of them, not now, not when she can feel the pain seeping out of her skin as she’s leaving it all behind. 

When she pulls up at her house, the tears she held back while driving are streaming down her face, and all she wants to do is hide in her room. But there’s something that stops her, a silhouette on the front steps that she can barely see through the tears now. 

Lydia blinks a few times to clear her vision, and then her eyes widen as she recognises the face. She freezes, wondering if she finally completely lost her mind. 

“It’s me,” the person whispers, and the voice is the same, it’s familiar and warm, it’s  _ her _ . 

“Ally…” 

A million questions swarm Lydia’s mind -- is she dreaming, is it for real, is it just one last chance to say the goodbye she never got a chance for. 

Allison walks closer, and Lydia feels the warmth of her hands on her own, the touch of their palms that steadies her. 

“It’s real, it’s permanent,” Allison speaks, answering all the unspoken questions. “Stiles says it’s for good.” 

The tears come again, but this time they’re not bitter but sweet as Lydia slumps against Allison with relief. 

“Oh god I missed you,” she whispers against Allison’s hair, her arms letting go of Ally’s only to wrap around her neck. “I missed you so much.” 

“I love you,” Allison whispers back. “I’m here now.” 

And Lydia lets go of her fear. 

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://froggydarren.tumblr.com/)


End file.
